Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Movies

Movie, matinee showing     $10.00
Popcorn, large, no butter       $8.00
Large Diet Coke                     $3.00
Parking                                     $2.50

Total for 103 minutes
of so-so entertainment                    $23.50

Redbox 1 night rental                        $1.00 
Netflix                                                $7.00  for one month membership allowing rental of
three movies at a time, for as long as you want.

Movies—crowded room with sticky floor; 20 minutes of television ads now seen on a very large screen and not the better for it.  Guy two rows in front of you texting and making his very bright little telephone screen an object of intense hate. Guy behind you resting his feet on the back of the seat next to you and whispering loudly to his girlfriend, the owner of a loud and inane giggle. People two seats away in your row foraging in a paper bag for the cans of Diet Dr. Pepper, Mars bars and sour gummy worms they’ve brought into the theater against theater rule. Noisy group of children throwing popcorn at each other as parents pretend not to notice. Deafening sound effects coming through 102 giant speakers. Vertical jiggly line through first 15 minutes of the film. Explosive noises from next-door movie seeping through the walls.  Bathroom with hand dryers and no paper towels. And, my personal favorite, projectionist—exhausted exchange student from Kinshasa carrying 30 credits and a full-time job—asleep and un-wakeable in locked projection booth.

Home DVD or VHS—bathroom with hand-towels and toilet that flushes property; non-sticky floor, pause button. Good food at a fraction of the cost.  No parking fees. Adjustable sound, fast forward through the kissy stuff, replay all the good action scenes. One dollar microwave popcorn and unlimited sour gummy worms. Minimal distractions. Personal scheduling of showings, all for one low price.

There’s a pretty good chance I may never go to the movies again.

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