Thursday, September 20, 2012

Muslim Humor

Today I am not myself. I am writing under the pseudonym of Alfonse Gaston because there is a possibility that what I write will anger some Muslims who might do harm to my family and neighbors (Note to angry Muslims: The neighbors on the right are fair game.) 

My subject is Muslim Humor.  An infidel priest, a rabbi and an imam are on a plane that's going down and there's only one parachute. The infidel says...

When I typed Muslim Humor into Google, my computer froze up. It appears that a sense of fun, of amusement and glee, are strangely missing from all those people screaming invectives and burning flags in protest of something that, in more civilized venues,  would not draw a second glance.  Has anyone actually viewed Innocence of Muslims? Seriously, you're getting pissed off by a video clip that has all the social importance of a recipe for crawfish étouffé.  Meanwhile your friends and colleagues and decapitating people they don't like and posting the executions online. Actually, I take it all back; in a weird and absurd way, it is pretty funny...

I'm curious about who the people with such deep grievances are. Obviously they're not home, cooking breakfast for their kids, or helping them with the math assignments. Judging from their state of dress, they're not doing the laundry too often either. My impression is, they're out in the street, or congregating at the internet cafés awaiting the next outrage. I wonder how they decide which demonstration to attend...

"Hey, Ali, the Russians just invaded Chechnya again! Let's destroy their embassy!"

"No, Abdul! I see on my 4G iPhone that the Americans have posted a YouTube item taking the  Prophet's name in vain. Let's go to their consulate and shoot them with our Kalashnikovs!"

"And tag their walls!"

"Stone their cars!"

"Burn down the Chik'n Bucket franchise!"

"Here's an even better idea: Lets take the few clothes our children have, make an effigy of Obama, and burn it!"   

Just a few days ago, Charlie Hebdo, one of my favorite French humor magazines,  published some less than tasteful cartoons of the prophet Muhammad, prompting some 10,000 people in Lebanon to march in protest. Where and how do 10,000 people spontaneously find the time to do something like this? I can't get five friends to play Monopoly on a Friday night! Are all these Muslim folks jobless, or is protesting a part of their employment benefits, sort of like the annual company picnic, but more frequent? Or maybe it's just something to do, a Middle Eastern version of bingo night at the senior center. 

Also, I'm curious as to where they get all the American flags, and I bet we could end all the protest by putting in an embargo on flag importation.

And here's the other thing I don't quite get: the garbage hasn't been picked up in weeks; your infrastructure is falling apart; the education system is in shambles; your women can't show their faces; your neighboring country hates you. Solution: Lets go kill some infidels. Unless, of course, you can come to the US, get a job, make some money and live a normal life.

Yeah. That works.

Alfonse Gaston, signing off. And remember, it's the neighbor on the right.


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