Friday, May 20, 2011

Newt and Callista--A Private Moment

I wonder if on occasion Callista Gingrich turns to her husband and asks, “Newt, honey, don’t you sometimes feel like, well, a slime ball?”
Newt, lost in thoughts of media conspiracies to rob him of the presidency, looks up,   “Whatever do you mean?”

“Well,” says Call, “you remember before we were married and you were still married to Marianne and we were already sleeping together and you went out after Billy Clinton for being an immoral man because of that thing with the intern?” She pauses, waiting for a response.

Newt, lost in thought about how the Democrats will use a quote where he clearly misspoke talking about healthcare, is also worried about that pesky half-million dollar bill from Tiffany’s. How did they find out about that? He couldn’t remember if he and Callista had paid off that bill or not on their revolving charge account.

“What’s your point, Call?”

“Billy didn’t even sleep with the girl, Newt, and you and me, well, we were already doing it, and didn’t that bother you, keeping a straight face while you demanded his impeachment?”

“And your point would be?”  Now Newt is worrying about what the East Coast establishmentarian left-wing intellectuals at the Washington Post and New York Times will write about his conversion to Catholicism.  It wasn’t self-serving.  He really felt the calling of Christ, another misunderstood leader of men.

“And while we’re on the subject of marriage,” Callista says, “someone asked me again about Jackie—you remember Jackie, your first wife?—being in the hospital for cancer and you proposing to Marianne at the same time while you still hadn’t told Jackie you wanted a divorce. I told them all I knew about that was that you met Jackie in high school and she was your geometry teacher. I still think that’s kind of cute, you being 16 and she was 25 and you ended up marrying her!”

This is all old news and Newt wishes people would just forget about it. Isn’t a man allowed some privacy?

“Well,” says Callista, “I was just thinking about all this stuff. Sometimes it bothers me a little.” She puts on her coat, pecks him on the cheek. “Bye now. I have to go to choir practice.”

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